Something Smells Like Tuna
by buttercupbella
Summary: —Because everything else just seems fishy. When you leave Sirius Black completely clueless, there's only so much chaos he can do. Oh, and it's not a very pretty sight, especially when even Peter is caught in the middle. "That was my cheese bread, you arse!"


**Something Smells Like Tuna**

_buttercupbella_

—Because everything else just seems fishy. When you leave Sirius Black completely clueless, there's only so much chaos he can do. Oh, and it's not a very pretty sight, especially when even Peter is caught in the middle. "That was my cheese bread, you arse!"

* * *

"I learned something new today!"

The curtains of Remus' four-poster bed swung violently, revealing the figure of a jumpy, ecstatic and full-of-beans Sirius. He had a proud look on his face, as if he was the richest and most intelligent man alive.

Sirius, noting the lack of response from the trio sitting on Remus' bed, settled on the mattress and grabbed the velvety pillow underneath James.

The Chaser grunted when Sirius stole his cushion and took his glasses off gingerly. "Tell me that you spelled Professor McGonagall's name right, and I may actually feel better."

Sirius wrinkled his funny eyebrows and folded his long, pale arms over his broad chest. Shrugging, he put on his best 'serious Sirius' face. "One word: you suck. Make that two. _Oh, _make that four."

"What in the name of Merlin are you saying?" James raised his hands in exasperation and nearly slammed his forehead on the table.

"Four. Because you suck my—"

Remus did the face-desking for James. "_Bloody hell."_

With the afternoon sunshine draped over Prongs' and Moony's worn-out faces, Peter chewed on his cheese sandwich, never taking in the fact that Sirius had a smug look on his face.

"Perverted prat," James muttered. "Way to blow things off, mate, especially when—"

Remus cleared his throat frantically and tried to communicate without even opening his mouth. He glared at James, who in turn choked on his saliva and said, "—when we're sitting primly like the Royal family."

Sirius whimpered against the pillow. "But Prongs, I was just trying to let you breathe in your soul, not suck it up like those Dementors at Azkaban—"

"If the word 'suck' is what you learned today, don't even bother using it repetitively," Remus told the dark-haired lad slowly. His hand rested on his Potions textbook, and he sighed tiredly.

"Moony," Sirius crooned, "why are you so irritable? Last time I saw the calendar, the full moon was two weeks away."

"It's just—"

"I would hate to stop eating cheese sandwiches," Peter said, mouth half-full and eyes nearly brimming with tears, "but we're late for Professor Slughorn's class."

James whistled without an inch of worry, Remus silently yelped for his first record of tardiness, Peter mourned over his leftover sandwich, and Sirius sat there, wondering what was going on between the stag and the wolf.

And maybe that's why his Animagus was a dog—

Sirius made his mind up. He was going to sniff out whatever secret there was, even if it meant fagging the whole of Hogwarts. _Easy peasy._

.

.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't _that _easy after all.

During Divination class, Sirius left his cup of leaves and shamelessly walked out of the room while trying to contemplate whether or not Remus was in the library. Soon enough, he saw Moony mulling over a thick book, and laughing by his side was—

"Lily?" Sirius absent-mindedly into the library and yelled a little too loudly. Lily's hand was over Remus', and the two bookworms were, undeniably, reddening like tomatoes.

Sirius gasped and grabbed Lily by the collar."If James sees any of this—"

"Sirius," Lily flicked the taller boy's head and pointed to her badge. "You're disturbing a prefect and causing unnecessary noise, so I have no other choice but to send you to detention."

Upon seeing Sirius' disbelieving expression, Lily said, "You don't understand. Lupin here is—"

Since Lily was still holding both of Remus' hands, Remus decided to silence her with a peck on the lips, earning mound of shock from an O-mouthed delinquent and a dazed prefect. He whispered with a shaky voice. "Don't tell him yet."

Wide-eyed, Sirius fumed, stormed out of the library, and muttered profanities; and almost as if in coincidence, he knocked over James in the hallways.

"_Jamesssyyy,"_ Sirius murmured in a tantrum, gripping the stag's shoulders. "Moony snogged Evans! Right in front of me!"

"He _what_?" James sputtered out, blushing in rage. "Where's the smarmy git hiding?"

.

.

"You were snogging Lily!"

"I was not, Potter—it was a peck, for heaven's sake!"

"But still! _Lily!_"

"She was telling Padfoot here something that wasn't nice at all!"

"So you _kissed _her?"

"I had no choice! She was off and about, blabbing on and on while she had a death grip on my hands!"

"Now it's holding hands? Oh bloody hell—"

"You understand my situation, mate," Remus whined, nearly tearing his face off in the process.

"You're stealing Lily when in fact—"

"Shut it, James, or I'll kiss you too."

As he tried to display his annoyance at whatever it was that Remus was hiding, Sirius accidentally slapped the cheese-sprinkled loaf clutched tightly in Peter's hands.

The lot stared at it, which was lying on the floor, for a few seconds before Peter recovered. He was about to cry when he morphed into a rat and bit off Sirius' pinky. Rodent squeals filled the room and Sirius could only howl in pain.

"That was my cheese bread, you arse!" Peter wailed and ran off.

James followed the scampering rat and cast a glare towards Remus. "One question, Pads," he mumbled, his eyes sternly fixed on a certain brown-haired boy.

"What?"

Tilting his round-rimmed glasses a bit, James said, "Did Lily ever happen to spank Remus?"

Sirius snorted. "Oh, no, she just sent me to detention."

Hanging limply on the sides, James' hands curled into a fist. "I see. Maybe I should throw a wobbler on this, but I probably shouldn't, because I actually have a conscience."

He turned and left.

With a resounding _bang_, Sirius took a look at an emotionally mangled Remus who had just elbowed his books to the floor. Remus Lupin _never _let his books topple from the table, much less elbow them.

"If you could just tell me what's wrong," Sirius huffed and indignantly picked up the littered paperbacks, "then we wouldn't have to go through all this."

Remus emerged from his face-down act with bloodshot eyes. "It's just—I'm not supposed to tell you."

"_Why?"_

"I l—"

"Oh, if it isn't the lovers of the Marauders," Severus Snape, clad in his usual dark cloak, walked past the two boys with his usual aversion. He snickered and his black eyes glittered like a pearl under the setting sun.

Sirius hissed while gripping Remus' wrists. "Piss off, Snivellus, because there are no lovers here except for you and your gothic costume."

Snape glimpsed at Remus, who was turning into a sickly pale white. He shook his head as if in sympathy. "Sirius Black, I don't know how anything ever gets past that thick head of yours."

.

.

"I learned something new today," Sirius dully remarked as he stared at three angry Gryffindors taking their own places in the common room—Remus by the fireplace, James rolling a snitch in between his fingers at the doorway, and Peter munching on a handful of cheese on a cozy seat. Neither one of them even bothered to notice the latecomer.

Remus _did _notice him, but looked away after a second of flushed cheeks.

"You don't trust me well enough, do you?" Sirius whispered with a bitter taste on his tongue.

No one responded, and the whole of the Gryffindor house came raging in as dinner had just ended in the Great Hall.

"Smells like fish here," said Sirius to himself, and a freshman holding a piece of grilled tuna scrunched his nose and started catching a whiff of his food. Sirius waved his hand in the air. "Oh, no, no, not that—"

"Moony, let's just tell him, this suspense is killing me. Suspense is only for Muggle telly," James pocketed his snitch and tapped Sirius' shoulder. He looked at Remus, who conveniently had a book to cover his mortified face.

Sirius raised his eyebrow and snatched the book, pathetically entitled 'Pretending to Study for Dummies'.

Remus sighed and blushed at the slight contact of Sirius' hands. "Ah, well, I—"

Pressing his pale lips into a thin line, Sirius gave an expectant gaze.

"I…it's just that—I thought it was embarrassing since we're both males, and…and…just about the fact that—uh, I've been mulling it over and I decided to tell you that—erm, I like you."

Everybody in the common room hushed and Sirius' mouth hung open. After a moment, Sirius spoke with a trembling tone. "Uh, can you repeat that? I didn't understand anything."

Remus nearly fainted. "I-I like you. More than how friends do."

The freshman kid dropped his tuna.

Sirius gaped at the bookworm whose eyes were nearly glassy, and he just resorted to ruffling Remus' stray brown locks and slapping his head. "Dimwit. You could have just told me from the start you know, so you didn't have to smooch Potter's Lily—"

"Hey!"

"—_and _Peter couldn't have given me a rat bite—"

"It was your fault, you dolt!"

"—_and _Gryffindors couldn't have known about this."

Remus shyly looked away. "So now you're actually ashamed?"

A fist was hurled at Sirius' numb face, and James growled. "Pads, if you're telling us that you learned something _every day, _you'd better actually show it."

"I've learned how fishy you can get when you keep secrets."

The freshman glared one last time and tossed his piece of tuna into the bin.

"I've learned how cute Remus can get when he likes someone."

Remus blushed for the nth time and hid under his book.

"And I've learned that I'm late for the detention Lily's put me in."

"You, Sirius Black, care about getting late," James muttered with horror on his face. "On second thought, if Lily's there, drop me a word."

"Oh, I care," with a smirk, Sirius took the red Remus in his arm and tagged him along the corridors, where Filch shot them a grimace and the girls in Slytherin cried for the fall of their Black empire. "Moony cares about getting late, and I'll have to bring him with me because—"

Sirius smiled with his pearly whites. "I don't want Moony kissing somebody else again."

.

.

**End**

* * *

**|Author's Note|** Flame me or whatever, it's my first time writing/exploring my writing style in the Harry Potter genre. And my brain's all mushed up from loads of laziness and foods so concrits are deeply appreciated. Merry Christmas, everyone! 8D


End file.
